Baroness X Swatcher's Balm

(promotional samples ahead)

One of the weird things that every lacquerhead with a camera looks for is a good post-manicure cuticle balm. Everyone has their favorites (even me), but no matter how much you love and adore your "Holy Grail" product, you are always on the lookout for something better. My biggest problem with most cuticle products is that they are WAY too shiny for photographs. I hate having to choose between comfort and photo quality. Thanks to Demi of Baroness X, I don't have to worry about that anymore.

One evening a few Facebook friends and I were having a chat. We were discussing how obnoxious it is to see a beautiful swatch...but greasy fingers. I randomly asked Demi if she could figure out how to make a balm that actually moisturized...but was matte on the skin. She retreated into her fortress of Solitude (probably) for a few days, and came back with this:

It is a thick, stiff balm that melts quickly against even the frostiest of skin. I have actually been using this stuff for a month now, so I think I have given it a pretty thorough test...definitely more thorough than most of my road-tests. Let's take a look at the B&A pictures, then I'll tell you what I think.

before

My nails don't look bad, considering how many times I have dyed my hair in the last week. Only one of my fingers is still stained brown...I chronically forget that I have color in my hair and inevitably will scratch my head....which leads to me having color stuck under my nail for a week or so.

I was going to make a video, but it was weird so I made a giant fucking gif instead. For the record, all the pictures in this post, including the gif, were taken in a six minute period: 12:41pm through 12:47pm for the curious. I did nothing to my nails other than what you see here.

after

It is completely matte in a matter of minutes. Really. No wiping, no extra buffing, no fucking greasing up doorknobs as you try to navigate your house...or is that just me?

I like to oil my nails before polishing, especially while swatching. It seems to help keep my nails from falling off and my cuticles from bursting into flames. But because I'm a slob, there is always a bit of clean-up to be done, and that means acetone...and chalky, ashen skin around my nail. Which, btw, is sexy as hell. Wait, no. No, that is fucking awful and I hate it. The only thing I hate more is having shiny fingers for pictures. Not only is it distracting and awful, but it leads to greased-up cameras and polish bottles...which is no bueno for getting a good clear photo that conveys the beauty and majesty of the polish.

I have used this balm for every manicure swatch I have taken over the last month and I declare this stuff awesome. At first, I was worried that it wouldn't be matte because it does melt when you rub it in and it does look a little glossy. But a little massage and a minute or two will leave you with moisturized and mostly-matte fingers. Hooray. It has a really natural scent, like the oils and waxes that went into it. No flowers, weirdness, or christmas morning scents here. The balm is all about business. 

The tl;dr here is you can be hydrated and matte. Finally. FINALLY.

(ninja edit: by "finally" I guess I mean September 30, 2015. Still...finally.)